Some Reflections

Why am I still awake?

Well, the semester ends in a few weeks, and I suppose I'm switching modes already. The summer has always brought me back to life, and part of that is normally a lot of sleeping in. The fact that I have to be in class in 7 hours disgusts me. I want this to be over, to be back home. Yet I might be staying here this summer.

I'm in a daze. Maybe it's the lack of sleep. The many things on my mind.

I guess I'm feeling a little complicated about the fact that this whole college thing is half-over. I don't feel like I've achieved much, and it's hard to think that the next two years could be different. I know that the last two will probably be the best, but it's daunting to think that I'm only two years out from the "real world." Sometimes I don't want to wait for it, but sometimes I want to start it over again.

I'm rambling, but I guess that's ok.

This semester has confounded me. I had grown used to my method of existing here, and I'm still not sure whether I like where the past half-year has taken me. I've found someone I love and who loves me. I've started a student organization that might very well outlast me. I've lost some friends and gained better ones. The past month has been trying, yet I am still here, still as poised on the fine line between success and failure as I've ever been.

I just can't seem to settle on whether the whole thing is right. I feel melancholy like back in highschool, but in a deeper, more peaceful and reflective way. I feel very sad, yet aware of how frighteningly beautiful the pan-out will reveal the picture to be. The whole thing is so delicately nuanced that I can't seem to describe it.

Good night,
Chris